To be deeply peaceful – no matter what the circumstances – is something I’ve learned in the last decade or so. The Lord has worked on the level of fear in my life, I’ve been through excruciating grief, I’ve wrestled with whether I am lovable. There’s been a lot – and recognizing that I can have deep and abiding and sustaining peace in the midst of those things has been one of the gifts of this journey. There can be a solid peacefulness that co-exists with intense pain.
Peace comes pretty naturally to me these days. When something challenges it, I know the steps to regain it. It takes more than it used to to disturb the peacefulness I feel, and when it does get disturbed it’s not the same struggle to get back there. Jesus promised us that His peace is different from the world’s peace – and I’ve experienced that.
But I was once challenged to not settle just for peace, but to press on to joy. This was earlier in my journey and the advice giver acknowledged that after a long season of pain and anguish, he knew that arriving at a place of peace felt really good. But he encouraged me to press on until I reached joy. For the joy set before Him, Jesus endured the cross. (Heb. 12:2)
But what does joy look like in me? Despite huge amounts of breaking free from it, I’m still shy in most settings. I don’t have the bubbly personality where joy spills over infectiously. I’m quieter by nature. I don’t spontaneously blurt out the things that indicate joy. Shyness creates unique challenges in this area. The fear of embarrassment is still a struggle for me. It seems as if peacefulness suits my personality better than joy does.
But I have this nagging sense that the Lord has more for me.
It’s not that joy is not present. I do think I have pressed past peace and into joy. It’s that I don’t know how to make it visible. I often think that if I could change one thing about myself, it most likely would be this. I’d like to be more expressive to those around me – especially in the things that indicate joy and delight. But here I am, still quiet and shy about it.
A few days ago something caused a blip in my peacefulness and my joy. It hurt and it was unfair and I spent one evening doing a little bit of grieving. I brought a handful of people alongside me. The peace began to flow back in.
And I realized this – the reminder to press on to joy comes automatically these days. It's become an integral extension of peace. Whether or not I’m ever able to express it in a way that others can see, I do know that the joy of the Lord is my strength.
I may live more comfortably in “peace,” but “joy” is also a fruit of the Spirit and I want my life to be characterized by it as well. I sense the Lord asking me to stretch a bit.
Thanks for writing and for sharing so honestly, Betty.
I think joy spills out of you more than you know!
Love,
Sharon
Hmmm. For the joy set before us…that is a good word, Betty. And though I know you weren’t fishing-my first vehement response to your first paragraph is YES! YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN LOVABLE! You are so much more, Betty. And we are better for your good company.
Betty, this is comforting. When tommy died, in spite of hideous grief, I never felt the old enemy depression. I struggled with the loss and the guilt but I knew that I would be able to hang on and feel joy again. In hindsight, maybe that was peace.
I know it must have been Gods constant arms around your sweet soul to have you weather your tragedy using it as fodder for this fruitful new chapter.
I am full of gratitude,
Nancy
Nancy – Thank you. It was Gray who first told me to not settle for peace but to press on to joy. So many of my spiritual foundations were enriched and established during my years at St. Patrick’s. Even though the hardest stuff came after we moved away from Atlanta, my time at St. Patrick’s set me up to be able to let God do what He did through my CT church. You’ve had a lifelong impact on me.
I am obsessed these days with Acts 2:25-28
“I keep the Lord before me always,
Because he is close by my side, I will not be hurt.
So I am glad, and I rejoice.
Even my body has hope.
This is because you will not leave me in the grave.
You will not let your Holy One rot.
You will teach me God’s way to live.
Being with you will fill me with joy.”
Jenni – This is a great scripture for me. Thank you.
So well written Betty and so very true. It is hard to climb out of pit of despair and pain. You are a wonderful person and very lovable and it is an honor to call you my friend. You are able to bring peace to me and I am very thankful for that!
Betty, since I have only known you for a short time (since coming to Adventures) I can honestly say that I would never have described you as shy or joyless. When I picture you, it is exactly like the picture you posted, a sweet, loving SMILING woman! Which on the outside, looks like joy. Tender hearted and serving, giving and kind. I feel privileged to know you and look forward to sharing in your story of redemption as you keep “oozing” Jesus.
We see the joy and delight in you — it’s obvious to all who know you and it’s a pleasure experience it in you. Sometime others see in you what you don’t see in yourself. (Some people think I’m an extrovert . . . and they are dead wrong!)