I’m so grateful – I can’t give enough

About 25 years, my son Andrew had a best friend named Brett.  Brett’s mom (Abby) was blind.  A bump on the head as she went down a water slide a few months after she was married, coupled with complications from diabetes, left her blind.  Every year during the United Way campaign, she spoke morning, noon and night to employee groups.  Her schedule was grueling, her energy completely taken up by this.  Most people told her she was doing “too much”.  I asked her about it at one point and she said this:  “Almost all of my rehab, the places that taught me how to live a full life as a blind woman, who taught me how to care for a baby as a blind person – they were organizations supported by the United Way.  I am so grateful.  How can I not give back?  There’s probably nothing they could ask me to do that would be ‘too much’.”
 
So why am I thinking about that story these days?
 
When I first heard Abby say that all those years ago, I was struck by how little of that attitude I saw in the church.  The passion to give of ourselves out of gratitude, to say “there is nothing that would be too much to ask because I’ve received so much”.  To give willingly.  To offer everything.  Instead, too often I saw a mentality that seemed more along these lines:  “How little can I get away with giving?  Do I have to tithe from my gross salary or can it be from my net salary?  How much do I have to do in order to be okay with God?"
 
It’s stewardship sermon season in many churches.  I’ve heard a lot of them over the years – and heard another one on Sunday.  I’ve heard good ones, bad ones, ones that gave me a bigger picture and ones that felt like a scolding.   Ones that made me want to grow in this area and ones that felt totally disconnected from the very real season of life I found myself in.  Some talk just about “trusting”.  Only a few have truly wrestled with the tension between “trusting” and being “wise” or “planning well” (both of which are also scriptural instructions). 
 
So what are my thoughts?  At the moment, they center on gratitude and generosity. 
 
Sunday’s sermon was from John 12 – the story of Mary anointing Jesus’ feet with expensive perfume.  It’s extravagant (worth a year’s wages).  It offends Judas who pretends to care about what it would have done for the poor.  It’s far more than any religious law “required”.  Talking about tithing in the context of this kind of generosity  feels almost out of place, as if you wouldn't need to talk about it to someone who already gives like this.  Years ago a pastor told me that some commentators believe this was part of Mary’s dowry and by pouring it out on Jesus, she may have been sacrificing her opportunities for marriage.  It was a costly gift – but appears to have been given in an attempt to express the depth of her gratitude. 
 
I love stories where people, in response to a nudge from the Holy Spirit, do something that doesn’t make sense.  I have a friend who once put her earrings in the offering – because it was what she had to give at the moment and even though she knew it would sound “weird”, she also knew she wanted to give whatever she had to the Jesus she loves.
 
I’ve seen people who are generous with their time – missing things they had planned to do, or going without sleep, because of a chance encounter with someone who needed to be listened to.  Or they take the time to get to know the local convenience store clerk and then become his advocate when a hospital system treats him badly in his dying days because he fits into categories and stereotypes that are not often valued. 
 
The early church was marked by generosity.  They sold what they had to meet each other’s needs.  They fed and housed each other.  They ate together.  They cared for each other in practical ways.  The generosity overflowed.  It marked them as a “different” kind of people.  Is that distinction still visible today among those of us who claim the name of Christ?
 
So I’m left with a few challenges.
 
Do I trust the Lord to provide?  Do I hold on to my resources out of fear or am I truly just planning wisely and appropriately?  How do I find the trust/wise planning balance?  (This is not just financial.  I talked about this recently in my thoughts about Sabbath rest.)
 
Am I proactively looking for ways to be generous?  Am I always seeking to grow in generosity – of all kinds and of all resources?  Do I hold my possessions lightly?
 
At my core, does my mind go to “how can I be more generous” or does it wonder “have I done enough to check this off my list”?