Over the years I’ve found myself having conversations that include the question “Is it okay if I _________?”  [Or alternatively, the declaration that “There’s nothing wrong with ________.”]  I’ve been on both sides – as the one saying those things and the one hearing them.

Sometimes it is a sincere desire to discern God’s will and you are bringing a trusted friend or counselor into that process.  But what about the times when it ends up being a thinly veiled request for “permission” to do something you want to do anyway?  Or a justification for your actions?  When you are primarily covering yourself by making sure that scripture (or some other authority) doesn’t explicitly prohibit it?

The topic can be anything - from what you watch on TV to bending the rules in business or relationships. 

But is it the best question to ask?  Does this question (Is it okay if I …?) really lead us to fullness of life?  Or does it reinforce a minimalist mentality – i.e., how close to the line can I live and still be technically okay?  How little do I have to do?  How much can I get away with?  Doesn’t this draw us toward rules and regulations and checklists as proof that we’re okay with God and others – and therefore doesn’t it keep us under the Law?

I believe there’s a better question: 

As stated in the footnote, I originally heard this in an Andy Stanley sermon series.  He expands this question even further: 

Are you willing to ask yourself that?  I think it’s a harder question than “Is it okay”.  It cuts deeper.  In fact, a hesitation or unwillingness to ask the question is probably a sign of what the answer is.  We can get away with “is it okay (i.e., not specifically prohibited)”.  We squirm more under “is it wise”.

There’s another thing I’ve discovered.  When talking with others, you have an entirely different conversation when you couch it in terms of wisdom rather than right and wrong.  When you talk about the uniqueness of their situation – their past, their present circumstances, their hopes and dreams.  When you don’t resort to the expected Christian pat answers.  You sound less harsh and judgmental.  They are typically less defensive.  You both stay more relationally engaged. 

A couple of quick disclaimers. 

1. I’m not suggesting over-spiritualizing everything to the point you feel you never get “time off”.  Caring for yourself, doing things that bring rest and nourishment and fun are wise. 
2. Don’t use “wisdom” as an excuse for not taking leaps of faith or steps of obedience.  I’m not talking in this post about the worldly wisdom that would discourage you from listening to and following the promptings of the Holy Spirit. 

So - Are you willing to set the bar higher?  To not settle for "okay".  To change the question from “Is it okay?” to “Is it wise?”  To have different kinds of conversations?

*Essentially everything in this post comes from a sermon series by Andy Stanley published, as best I can remember, as Foolproof Your Life and later as The Best Question Ever and preached, again as best I can remember, somewhere between 2002 and 2006.  This post comes primarily from the first sermon in the series, but to this day I can still tell you the topics of every sermon in the series.  My small group went through the DVDs and it changed how we talked within the group and how we engaged others in conversation.  The group is more scattered these days, but we’re rarely together for very long before someone brings up the phrase “in light of your past experiences, …”.