Memories of a Year Ago
A little over a year ago I was getting serious about the possibility of a major transition. I had danced around this for years – feeling a restlessness that never completely went away. Do I make a change or not? How do I know if there’s “something else” out there? What’s the wise thing to do? I had lived in Connecticut longer than I had lived anywhere in my whole life. I couldn't imagine leaving my friends. What if I failed? The list went on and on.
Last January, I discovered this prayer and it put into words what I yearned for: Lord, help me now to unclutter my life, to organize myself in the direction of simplicity. Lord, teach me to listen to my heart; teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it. Lord, I give you these stirrings inside me. I give you my discontent. I give you my restlessness. I give you my doubt. I give you my despair. I give you all the longings I hold inside. Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth; help me to listen seriously and follow where they lead through the breathtaking empty space of an open door. (Prayer for a Major Life Transition, from Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals by Shane Claiborne)
In the weeks following this prayer's entrance into my life, I did move forward. The restlessness and the sense of call to move into a new ministry phase could no longer be ignored. It was time to say “yes” without holding back. Even with the scary parts. So by July I had sold my house, packed my stuff into storage pods, loaded my car and I found myself at Adventures in Missions.
It was the beginning of an amazing journey. In recent weeks, however, I've felt the Holy Spirit's nudging toward another leap of faith. That is what this blog is for me. I know it's a smaller leap of faith than leaving friends and moving 1,000 miles, but I tend to over-analyze things – and it can immobilize me. What do I write about? How often? Is it an update, a devotional, a connecting place? I don't know. And that's my leap of faith – starting something that I don't have figured out. This much I do know – it's time to leap. And for now, that has to be enough.
