The primary part of my job at Adventures in Missions is working with parents of World Racers. Here's something I link to every time we have a new set of World Race parents.
Eugene Peterson (perhaps best known for The Message paraphrase of the Bible), wrote a book in the early 90s called "Like Dew Your Youth". It's primarily geared to parenting teenagers and I don't remember a lot about the book – except for one key insight that is applicable to all of us who have raised children.
Early in the book he uses the Biblical story of Samuel and Eli (1 Samuel 3:1-10). Samuel had been serving in Eli's house and one night is awakened by someone calling his name. He runs to Eli asking "What do you want?" Eli, who hadn't called for Samuel, sends him back to bed. This gets repeated a few times until Eli realizes what is going on and instructs Samuel to answer this way the next time it happens: "Speak Lord, for your servant is listening." Samuel responds that way and the Lord begins to speak more things to him.
What Eugene Peterson does with this story is set it up as a model of what our goal as parents should be: To transfer the primary voice in our child's life from our own voice to the Lord's voice.
To transfer the primary voice in our child's life from us to … someone else. That is not a small thing.
Our voice does not necessarily have to become silent, but its use and role changes.
Most parents go through the process of watching their children become adults. There may be particular times when 
you enter new stages of this transition. World Race parents say goodbye to their Racers as they head off for 11 months of ministry around the world. Their Racers have heard a call. They want to do this crazy, exciting thing called The World Race. Hopefully parents are excited for their Racers, but they're well aware of what's going to be hard for them as parents. Even when we see our children "growing in wisdom and stature and favor with God and man", even when they leave for good and important things, there's often a hole in our daily life. We miss them. The letting go may feel hard or scary at times.
Most of us say "My children really belong to the Lord, not to me." But there are times the Lord asks "Do you really mean that? Are you willing to act on that?" When my son was in his mid-teens, I put him on an airplane for a mission trip when I had a strong sense that I would never see him again. I'd battled weeks of this sense, prayed against the spiritual warfare components and all of that. I also knew in my gut that there was no legitimate reason to not let him go on the trip. I knew he was called to it by the Lord. And so I said good-bye, thinking it was the last time I would see him.
There's a happy ending. He came home just fine. But I had learned an important thing. When put to the test, I really did believe that my kids ultimately belonged to the Lord. And my own spiritual life changed as a result of acting on that.
John Piper, whose church has a very high vision for spiritual formation in children, said this in a sermon once: (My summary, based on memory) "Parents, if you are sitting in the congregation of this church and your deepest desire is for your children to grow up, get married, live close enough for you to see your grandchildren regularly, have a house/white picket fence/good insurance plan – then you might be in the wrong church and you might want to leave. Because this is fair warning that we intend to go after your child's heart and our highest hope is that they will give that heart fully to God and His call. And we expect that for some of them that call will take them around the world, into needy and risky places, with no medical care and limited chances for you to see your grandchildren. So decide now. Is this the right church for you?"
Everything in us may know that the answer needs to be "Yes" – but the cost is right there in front of us too. This could be a costly "Yes".
I hope for all parents what we tell World Race parents we hope for them – that the Lord meets you every step of the way, especially if there are hard parts of letting go. We believe He has things to say to you – and perhaps even new calls on your own life. For World Race parents, we believe their eyes will be opened and their hearts will be stirred by the things they read in the blogs and hear from the Racers. For other parents – I hope you have your own way of discovering what God is doing in the world. There's a journey for you in this – separate from what is going on with your children.
Navigating this process of guiding your children into adulthood, letting go of your children when the time is right, providing encouragement for them to "own" their identity and authority in Christ – these things will give them great opportunities to grow into the men and women of God they are created and called to be.
This process can also take you to new places of who you are called to be. Ask Him – "What do you want to do in me as I release my child into Your call on their life?"
Thank you, Betty. It’s a timely reminder to me of what my role is and isn’t in my sons’ lives as they navigate early adulthood. I love transitioning to “sister in Christ”, but it is not always easy.
I remember weeping on the day of Eli’s dedication as a baby- not because it was so beautiful a thing- but because I was so very afraid that if I truly let go, God would indeed take Him away from me (recognizing that idea was an integral part of my healing process from believing that God was vindictive to recognizing His sovereign loving kindness.)
The blessing to me of letting go is that I am getting my sons back as brothers, and they bless me regularly as their sister.
I am so convinced that God has grown & trained you to play this important role in these young adults’ lives & those of their parents. It encourages me to SEE that God uses all our past stuff for His glory!!
Again, right on the mark!
You know how much I love the Samuel/Eli messages but even more this is so timely as I release Lisa. I miss her SO much but I KNOW she is running hard after God – my best dream for her!
Beth – You’re right. It feels very different to pray those things for young children than it does to pray those things for your 20-something age child. Not in a theological or “big picture” sense but in terms of the emotions and possible fears that it evokes.
Amen, Betty. We are stewards of our children. They were always God’s first.
I am really working on trusting the Lord to take care of my daughter. I know she is His and above all else she has to find the Lord’s purpose for her. I have found a peace that I did not have when she first told us what she wanted to do.
It was as if He told me she knows what I want her to do so just trust both of us. I sort of felt that he was telling me to get out of the way, I am handling this!
Thank you for sharing this Betty. I am all over the map with my emotions. The selfish me can honestly identify with the Mom that wants all my kids to marry, move into the picket fence house in my town and get to see my grandkids on a regular basis. Then I am reminded that God already has a perfect plan for my son’s life. He made that plan while Tyler was still in my womb. Psalm 139:16. Tyler will be serving the Lord, seeing the world, being stretched, facing fears, making life long relationships with young people who have the same heart for Jesus. I will continue to be his #1 cheerleader and prayer warrior. I’m in process….
Wow! Betty, thank you so much. How amazing. Your words just reconfirm, that I know my daughter is doing the right thing. I know this is her calling in life. I could not be more proud of her then I am. The Lord is a amazing Lord! God Bless everyone one of the parents and world race teams. And God Bless this ministry.
That is so awesome. I will be sharing that. My granddaughter, Lindsey Blake is going El Salvador, Malawi and Philippines September 2015.
Thank you Betty! I needed this right now. It took us 15 years to have children and have cherished every (most??) moment. We committed her to the Lord before she was born. So why do I question her desire to serve him. I pray that this experience deepens both of our faith.
Thank you, Betty… This brings tears to my eyes and gives me goosebumps. God gave you some very powerful words and wisdom.
Thank you Suzanne. Glad to have you on this journey.
Tami – It will be a faith journey for you as well. But it will be a good one. It’s so easy when they are babies and toddlers to pray “Lord, my heart’s desire is that they grow up to love and follow you”. Then “suddenly” they are this age and wanting to do something like the World Race. It’s part of the answer to your prayers but it comes with a wide variety of emotions.
Thank you so much for the loving update. I remember how upset I was when Zoe first told me she was called to this mission trip. I was so angry….just payed for her degree from Georgia, she gets an amazing job only to inform them she is quiting! How selfish of her, after we had her life planned out! God really showed me how warped my spiritual life had become. She is the happiest I have ever seen her right now, allowing God to lead. And I am also allowing God to lead me through my life now too! There are new places for me to serve,
Wanda – Thank you! I am a big believer that this is a season of our lives where God has new things for us. A few years ago, I wrote this about it: http://bettymeans.myadventures.org/?filename=what-does-god-want-to-do-in-your-50s
On this Thanksgiving Day, I opened this link to read your powerful words.Even though my daughter has a wonderful support system ,many cov ering her in prayer and I have had a precious peace since the day in July that she shared her heart about the WR and announced that she was applying, I have been asked by so many “How can you let her do this?”. After reading this my answer ,”How could I , how dare I , stand in her way?” God has ordained this before I knew her name. He knows her name and has called it. Thank you.
Thank you Jamie!
Thank you for sharing this. it sure brought tears to my eyes – especially the part about your children growing up, getting married and having grandchildren! True thoughts – for my husband and I… and though we know already that that, is not the vision that our Emily has! The letting go part for us – has been a process we went through – she has been at Liberty University for 6 years already- having earned her degree and now working on her Masters of Divinity. We have come to terms already – knowing that our “Baby Girl” has she has been affectionally called since she was born ( or 3rd of 3 children) – will not be coming home to our small town in Ontario! she has been in the US for a long time now and she refers to that as home… and though now… with the race coming up- who knows where home will be for our Baby Girl. We know she has a heart for the lost and wants to do as the Spirit Leads her. Our prayer – is that he will protect her and keep her safe! We know that at this point there is not much that we can do – accept to release her to Jesus and PRAY REALLY HARD – that he will indeed protect her – wherever she goes and wherever she shall choose to settle. PLEASE JESUS!!!
Thank you for sharing this. it sure brought tears to my eyes – especially the part about your children growing up, getting married and having grandchildren! True thoughts – for my husband and I… and though we know already that that, is not the vision that our Emily has! The letting go part for us – has been a process we went through – she has been at Liberty University for 6 years already- having earned her degree and now working on her Masters of Divinity. We have come to terms already – knowing that our “Baby Girl” has she has been affectionally called since she was born ( or 3rd of 3 children) – will not be coming home to our small town in Ontario! she has been in the US for a long time now and she refers to that as home… and though now… with the race coming up- who knows where home will be for our Baby Girl. We know she has a heart for the lost and wants to do as the Spirit Leads her. Our prayer – is that he will protect her and keep her safe! We know that at this point there is not much that we can do – accept to release her to Jesus and PRAY REALLY HARD – that he will indeed protect her – wherever she goes and wherever she shall choose to settle. PLEASE JESUS!!!
It was difficult to not be negative and not worry about Elise’s safety. Worried that her passion for missions would be squelched because of not being able to reach the financial goals. I held back some when she wanted to go to Campbellsville University. I knew it was going to be more expensive for her to go there than other schools. I tried to be the “voice of reason”, get her to check out other schools. She was adamant that’s where she wanted/needed to be. She didn’t graduate debt free but she kept it to a manageable level. I learned, that was where God wanted her to be. Another lesson in trusting God. When Elise told me her plans (actually God’s) for the World Race I had my doubts. But I figured if she fell short we would wind up literally giving sacrificially. Her faith and determination has far surpassed my own. God has given back before I could even step in. I feel like he said: “Let me show you what I can do”. I know he has called her just as he called Samuel. I don’t know what his plan is but I do know that he is working out all the details. I had a Sunday School teacher years ago, one of his favorite sayings, tounge in cheek, “another amazing coincidence”. When you look for God, expecting Him to do things you start to see His hand in little things. As your faith and trust grow you start to see more of God’s intervention. Ultimately Elise is in God’s hands and there is no other place I would want her to be.
Steve – So true! There are so many parts of the preparation for the Race, including fundraising, that build faith not only in Racers but also in parents.
Hi Betty. Amazing how words posted 4 years ago still have power and impact today. Although I can identity with lots of what you say (particularly the picket fence bit!!) I think the biggest thing for me is ‘where do I go now’. Kathryn (Katie) is the 5th of our 6 children (She has a twin sister). Their 4 brothers have all left home and only her sister is left. As I watch her leave for this adventure I question my own life, where am I in all this? What do I do with my life now. It was so good to read your encouraging words, this is not the end for me as a parent. God has included me in this and He will continue to fulfil His purposes in my life even as he works in Katies. Thank you for your encouragement. ??
Glenys – I am THRILLED that you are asking the “where do I go now” question. Parent Ministry is about much more than just “survival tools” for the Race. We’ll be talking a lot about your journey and your next steps as well. For me, although I had known Adventures in Missions since its founding in 1989 (I met the founder in the mid-80s) and had been a long distance supporter and advocate, it wasn’t until 6 years ago that I uprooted myself from Connecticut, where I had lived longer than I had lived anywhere in my life, and moved to GA to work with them full time. It involved having to raise support to come on staff, having to leave an amazing church and small group, etc. But it grew out of that restlessness. If you go back to the beginning of my blog, you can read some about that. (http://bettymeans.myadventures.org/?nMonth=2&nYear=2012) I also wrote at one point about being restless in this season of life and what God wants to do with that – http://bettymeans.myadventures.org/?filename=what-does-god-want-to-do-in-your-50s.
Hi Betty,
This artical is instructing, encouraging, and filled with God’s heart for His kids. We are just one bigger telling another beggar where to get food. You just fed the whole herd. Lol.
Re’ is our 21 year old. She was born for this I think. Two years ago I released her to the Lord to be a Missionary if that is what He wanted. About a year later she called me and told me she would be applying for the world race. Wow!!!
Something I have chosen to tell her, started when she had an interest in some things her Dad and I didn’t feel she should do, “if you seek first the kingdom of God and all He wants for you, you will be in the middle of God’s will for your life. Keep seeking Jesus.” She redirected, by allowing Jesus to do the diecting. Now she is in Boot Camp, she is thrilled to be there.
Letting go of our little butterfly, seeing her take flight is exciting.
Thank you for all of your encouraging words. You have a big job and we will be praying God will direct your path.
Lovingly,
Rene’
I imagine you’ve gotten pretty good over the years with these timely thought provoking messages filled encouragement, insight, wisdom, and hope.
Thank you for this timely message, it represents well what we hope for our daughter and why I need to hear as her mom.
Thank you Renee. I’m glad it blessed you.
Betty, this is so so true. When they were young it all sounded so sweet– the prayers for them to be kingdom-minded, for God to use them for His glory…..I would never not want to pray that, but I have to admit that at the time the heart-wrenching part did not really enter into my thinking. I still say AMEN and celebrate God’s work in my children’s lives, but now I realize that there is a cost for me to raising children to hear God’s voice. And I love what you wrote about our voice not being gone, but changing in it’s purpose and role. That is a helpful way to look at it. Thanks!
Thank you Betty. You are right on the mark. I need to trust more in God as I keep seeing the wonderful things he is doing through my daughter Samantha. I truly am Blessed.