I have friends who periodically challenge me with important questions. They are asked sincerely. They may be asked because their journey or their experience is different from mine. And they force me to articulate things I should be able to articulate – but don’t often have to.
Here’s the question one of them posed last week: “Why do you believe?”
There was a qualifier – “I don’t want to hear why I should believe. I want to know why you believe.”
Before I answer, I have to be honest about something. What I’m about to say is based largely on deep and real encounters with a God whose track record in my life is one of love and trustworthiness and transformation. A loving Father. A rescuer. An encourager. The list goes on and on.
If I didn’t have those experiences, would I still believe? Would the evidence of scripture or history be a compelling case for me? If instead of temporary “dry spells” I had no sense of His presence any more, if I cried out and begged for His presence and didn’t hear anything back, would I still believe? If I was hurt far deeper or far more often than I have been in my life, would that make a difference? If I couldn’t find my way to gratitude (which I do believe is key to allowing God to transform me), would I see no way forward on the faith journey. I don’t know. I hope there would be something to see me through to the other side, but it feels arrogant to me to say that I’m sure of that.
So, with that said … Why do I believe?
I believe because over 42 years ago, when I was a 15 year old shy, timid “good girl” who had been raised in the church, I finally heard the gospel presented in a way that told me about a personal relationship with Jesus. And when I said “Yes”, I immediately felt that I was no longer sinking but that my feet had hit a firm and solid rock. Nothing much changed in how my life looked to others (remember – I was a “good girl”, too afraid or shy to rebel). But internally, everything changed.
I believe because there have been changes and transformations in my life that can’t be explained by “self-improvement” techniques or natural growth. They are deeply connected to my experience of God. A painfully shy, extremely timid girl discovers she has a voice and that she actually wants it to be heard. A lifelong struggle with whether I am lovable yields to a deep sense that I am. Years of fear-based decisionmaking give way to more risk taking. These changes are more characteristic of being wooed by a Lover who wants you to be your best, Who delights in you and encourages you, than they are of working hard to improve yourself.
I believe because in the midst of the most painful season of my life, I still saw great gifts in my life. Some of them were the transformations mentioned above. Some were the body of Christ holding me in very tangible ways. Some were images and visions and prophetic words – given in such a way that I now know for sure that Jesus understands a woman’s heart.
I believe because God has been personal toward me. There have been enough gifts, words, “coincidences” for me to believe He speaks to me in ways that let me know He knows and understands me. Some are funny. An image during an inner healing time of a plant placed by Him into my wounded heart that grew and flourished. I actually laughed because I knew it had to be Him healing my heart because I cannot keep a plant alive. Some bring healing tears. An image of sitting on a swing, at the bottom of a hill in the yard I grew up in, watching my parents and my sister at the top of the hill and feeling invisible. And Jesus approaches, looks me tenderly in the eyes, and hands me a diamond. A diamond had special significance at that time because my husband, the only man who had given me a diamond, had by that point withdrawn his love.
I believe because when I am suffering, or when I see suffering, I need to run somewhere and because my somewhere is actually Someone. And I find arms there to embrace me.
I believe because I have experienced gratitude that doesn’t make sense, peace when my world is in turmoil, hope in the midst of despair and joy that goes deep and lasts, regardless of circumstances.
I believe because I think what I observe in life makes the most sense if there is a battle going on that is bigger than this world. A loving God. An enemy. A people being equipped to usher in a new Kingdom. Opposition to that plan. Highs. Lows. Heroic acts of love and grace and mercy. Persistent attacks of evil. I do believe we know the end of the story, but I also believe we’re in the middle of the story.
Scripture continually tells us to “remember” what God has done. And I suppose that remembering is integrally connected to why I believe. It’s what gets me through the rough spots, the times when it doesn’t make sense, the times when God seems distant or silent. I go back to what I knew for sure in the moment when God did show up, when being with Him felt like being in a safe and loving home. And I find I believe, regardless of the current circumstances.
Dear Betty,
Once again, thank you for taking the time to thoughtfully outline so honestly where you have been, and where you are in the faith. This post is thought-provoking. I am so grateful to have been nurtured in the church, to have given my life to Jesus when 9 or 10 years old, and to have been brought back to Him in graduate school in NYC. I was also blessed with wonderful mentors and a solid church (The Barn in Simsbury, CT.) I believe my faith was built on His Word and then enlivened by a number of spiritual encounters. This walk is a continuing journey, and whenever I veer off in a wrong direction, the Lord remains faithful and draws me back. Praise Him!
I pray that the Holy Spirit will enable me – & others – to have loving responses to those who ask us the question, “Why do you believe?”
In His love,
Sharon
Beautifully written, Betty! It seems that Jim and I are encountering this question often these days as we work in our local high school. Our answers are built upon the testimony of His work in our lives through the years…through the good times and more often through the more difficult times. I am excited to following your blog and look forward to reading your words.
Thank you, Betty. I sure do love you, Friend.
I agree with all of what you said and it was well said, but none of that would persuade me if I were an unbeliever.
I follow Jesus because I am convinced he resurrected himself from the dead after three days, which is unprecedented in all of human history. The historical evidence is overwhelming. I find a benevolent God, the God of the Bible who has a very particular character, far more persuasive than random chance, faith in ourselves, or any other religion or philosophy. Jesus Christ is rooted in time and place, documents and archeology. I believe it because it is true.
If I chose not to believe, then it would have to be on the basis of throwing out a tremendous amount of good scholarship. If I denied the truth of a resurrection Jesus, I would pretty much have to deny the majority of written history prior to the first century, because it is not as substantiated as Jesus Christ.
For me, every experiential benefit is predicated on having established the truth of the resurrection. I am not in the least arguing with anything you said, Betty, and I suspect you would say, “Of course,” to everything I have said. But for me, I believe because it is true. The truth is necessary to the experience, and the experience cannot be validated without the truth.
I think we agree on everything, Betty, but I am enough of a devil’s advocate and/or skeptic, that what you have put forth are reasons why I press on in having a love relationship with Him, and not the crux of why I believe. Our brains are wired very differently and that is part of the wonder of the God who created us. It’s all good.
Sharie – This is one of the things I love about you. You’re one of the people who make me think and who force me (in all the right ways) to consider what I say and whether I’m on track. You’re right. I don’t disagree with anything you said, and I did consider emphasizing more that I believe there is compelling historical evidence to support the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. But I always struggle with length in my blogs. I think you’re also correct that how we have conversations with people depend in part on our “wiring”, as well as our relationship with them. Thank you for joining the conversation.
This is an arresting question, Betty, and a good question to ask oneself. As you know I relinquished my long held Christian faith four years ago but had been challenging it in my mind for much longer. Interestingly what kept me in place thru the doubts was the same thing you mention: my subjective experience. As it turned out, that one of the things that finally led me to let faith go: the realization that faith is subjective and cultural in nature.
I’ve been meaning to introduce you to a blog I think you may find interesting, as it is written by a southerner. This article sums up my experience pretty well http://godlessindixie/2013/04/30/losing-my-religion-pt-1
Ruth – I appreciate your thoughts and they do point to the alternate paths available when you base something on just the subjective. As I said in my reply to Sharie, I ultimately do believe there is reality behind my experiences and that I’m not relying just on experience. But I’m grateful for friends like you, people I trust as ones who think deeply on important things, and who challenge me in good ways. I’m going to be in CT in early June and would love to get together if you have time. (On a completely different topic – I’m now a two-dog family. My daughter moved to Georgia and has a wonderful Plotthound/beagle mix. He and Baxter have become best friends!)
I understand that for Christians The Bible offers sufficient proof for everything Jesus proclaimed. However, the world outside of Christianity gets more skeptical with every passing year. And the fact is that outside the canon, there’s not a whole lot about the life and death of Jesus.
Flavius Josephus wrote a couple of lines…maybe.
However, even the most jaded among us admits Jesus’ story offers compelling narrative. As does your story. You write so beautifully and with great passion, and I know enough of it personally to honor you for the hurdles you’ve overcome and the extraordinary life you’ve created for yourself. I believe you when you say you’ve experienced the risen Christ and a loving God. I’d be a fool not to. You walk the talk. You are The Incarnate.
Alas, were Christianity a faith that could be inherited — or even just absorbed! — His stories and yours would inspire and keep the faith alive for generations. But that’s not how it works.
If there is a God, it has to be a personal God (like yours). that can be experienced. There’s too much evil and not enough “proof,” if you will, to keep the thing alive without Him engaging in an active way. And if God chooses not to engage, despite our crying to the moon for His love, we — his children — will wander off. As we have…
I appreciate more than you can know this acknowledgement of the experience of “God’s Goats” in your piece: “If instead of temporary dry spells I had no sense of His presence any more, if I cried out and begged for His presence and didnt hear anything back, would I still believe? I don’t know…”
I thank you for that.
Your friend always
Sue
Ruth, there IS a way back to faith. Recommend the new book, “The Bible Reconsidered; a Journey from Fundamentalism to Progressive Christianity” by Paul Brynteson. And Robin Meyers of the Mayflower UCC in (of all places) Oklahoma is turning Christianity on its ear. We’re building our church on his model.
Even without God, Jesus still has powerful things to say!
The opening paragraph of this blog – about friends who challenge me in good ways and who force me to articulate what I believe – was written with you and Allie and Ruth in mind. And I appreciate all of you more than you may know. You help “keep me honest” and you force me to wrestle with the reality that there are people I love and respect deeply, whose experience is so different from mine. I can’t dismiss your experience. None of you make decisions lightly. You are thinkers and wrestlers with truth. So I have to wrestle with how to explain different experiences with God. I had a paragraph in here that I took out because of length that was essentially a description of how you described your searching and pleading at one point. I’ve never forgotten it. Every time you join a discussion on a blog, it deepens the conversation. Thank you.